The Founding of the Church of Lord Business and the Latter Day Bricks
Long after the city was laid out in perfect studs and right angles, Lord Business wandered the wetlands on the edge of the Lego metropolis—a forbidden place where instruction manuals were lost, pieces were mismatched, and creativity ran unchecked.
There, half-buried beneath algae-green tiles and suspiciously smooth slopes, he discovered the Golden Brick.
It was flawless.
Shiny.
Unnumbered in any set.
As he lifted it from the murky water, Lord Business received a revelation: not all bricks are meant to be stepped on, but all bricks are meant to be followed.
The Golden Brick revealed to him the True System—that only one building method was correct, that order must reign, and that every minifig had a role, preferably labeled and color-coded. He was commanded to build a temple, not merely of bricks, but of belief.
Atop the highest spire, where once stood a trumpet-blowing figure, Lord Business placed himself, gazing eternally over the city, holding not a horn—but a spreadsheet.
Thus was born The Church of Lord Business and the Latter Day Bricks.
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The Doctrine
The Church teaches that it is the one true brick-building faith, restored in the latter days after generations of free-building chaos. Its followers honor Ole Kirk Kristiansen, the Great Brickmaker, who laid the foundation with the sacred words:
“Only the best is good enough.”
Adherents believe Ole Kirk provided the original bricks, but that Lord Business restored proper usage, ensuring that nothing valuable was ever accidentally turned into a spaceship.
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The Faithful
Members gather weekly to:
• Align their studs
• Sort by color and function
• Test their builds for stability against cats, children, and earthquakes
Missionaries are sent two by two, riding tiny bicycles, spreading the good news:
“Have you followed the instructions… completely?”
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The Promise
Those who remain faithful will inherit the Eternal Display Shelf, where dust never settles, brittle brown never cracks, and missing pieces are miraculously found under the couch cushions.
Those who reject the teachings are condemned to the Outer Darkness—also known as the unsorted bin.
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And so Lord Business stands atop the temple, watching over the Lego city, ensuring that all bricks are accounted for, all builds approved, and that creativity is allowed… within reason.