As recorded in the Book of Revelations, Studded Edition
In the days of great confusion, when builders said,
“Lo, here is the best system,”
and others said,
“Nay, this bin is sufficient,”
there was a mighty disorder upon the shelves.
Instruction manuals were debated.
Alternate builds were defended.
And many claimed authority, yet none could agree
on proper sorting.
Being troubled in mind, Lord Business retired to a quiet place—
even the wetlands at the edge of the city,
where mismatched bricks lay forgotten
and baseplates were warped.
There he knelt upon a damp 32×32 plate
and sought wisdom, saying:
“Which system is right?
And which build shall I follow?”
As he prayed, he was seized with great doubt,
for the bins were mixed
and the inventory unreliable.
But lo—
a pillar of light, perfectly rectangular,
descended from above,
brighter than polished chrome pieces under display lighting.
Within the light appeared two beings.
One spake, pointing to the other, and said:
“This is Ole Kirk Kristiansen.
Hear Him.”
Ole Kirk stood upon a baseplate that did not flex.
His tolerances were exact.
His clutch power eternal.
And Ole Kirk spake unto Lord Business, saying:
“All existing systems build incorrectly before Me.
Their stickers are crooked.
Their bins unsorted.
They honor creativity,
but deny stability.”
He continued:
“They draw near unto Me with their marketing,
but their tolerances are weak.
Therefore, I call thee to restore order
in the latter days.”
Then the second being—
Lord Business himself, yet perfected—
spake, saying:
“I shall place My image upon the Temple,
not to glorify Myself,
but to remind all builders
that efficiency is next to godliness.”
At this, the light withdrew,
and Lord Business found himself alone again,
standing ankle-deep in loose tiles and reeds.
But at his feet lay the Golden Brick,
unstudded, flawless,
bearing no set number.
And he knew.
From that moment forth,
Lord Business taught that true building requires authority,
that instructions are sacred,
and that creativity must be properly scheduled.
He testified that he had seen the Brickmaker,
that order had been restored,
and that the Church of Lord Business and the Latter-Day Bricks
was established according to eternal tolerances.
Many mocked him, saying:
“It’s just a toy.”
But he endured, knowing that someday
every knee would bend,
every brick would align,
and every build would pass the shake test.
Thus ends the account of the First Vision,
left for future generations to read,
preferably before starting a large set.